Say What, Mr. Ferber?

So, sleep training worked... somewhat. And when I say "somewhat," I mean it worked for one of my cherubs. I instituted a new bedtime routine (as opposed to our old routine of Mommy crying, rocking, and begging the boys to fall asleep- while it faithfully ocurred each and every evening, it was definitely lacking in effectiveness). We put on pajamas, listened to a little bedtime music, drank a bottle, sang a song, and with eyelids heavy with sleep, tuck in with a pat or two and it's hel-lo dreamland. Within a night or two he slept through til the next morning, sometimes waking once or twice in the middle of the night for a hit of Pedialyte or a hug. But all in all, the whole schedule/sleep training deal was a dream.

My other boy, the one I sometimes admit that I fantasize selling to the gypsies, as my mother used to say, not so much. He might fall asleep on his own if I could lay him down drowsy, the problem is, he never is. I'm convinced the boy never needs sleep and the fact that he was the first twin to become mobile by rolling and scooting scares the crap out of me... I picture a three year old who never naps and only sleeps forty-five minutes a night wreaking havoc so much until I'm forced to go on one of those daytime talk shows for help ("Next we'll talk to one mom who actually has Red Bull instead of blood running through her veins..."). It was this non-drowsiness factor that led me to attempt the Ferber-cry-it-out (not that he ever calls it that) method today at nap times.

Now, the problem with twins is that just because you have two hands, and there are two children- well, that doesn't make things even. Even though I really wanted to continue sleep training the way I was going with Thing One, putting him down sleepy, fact is, there just isn't enough of 'me' to go around to do that (a fact that I, of course, still feel guilty about. Moms, you know what I mean). So poor Thing One had to join in the latest Cry It Out and Break Mommy's Heart chapter of sleep training. Luckily (for Mommy? Or Him? Or all of us?) he shone through again and was out like a light in less than fifteen minutes.

Not so for Thing Two.

First of all, I separated the boys, lest they cry and keep one another awake, so they were in different beds, at different ends of the house. Other than that, I tried to keep everything the same. They both had music, about the same amount of ambient light, the biggest difference (besides not being together and being able to beat the crap out of one another) was Thing One was in a crib and Thing Two was in a playpen. Both had been changed and fed before going down.

Didn't matter.

My boy cried. And cried. And cried and cried and cried.

I went in every ten minutes (I admit, I've only read the Cliff notes of Ferber's method, but my plan seemed to be pretty reasonably well thought out... or so I thought). I patted, tried to soothe and calm, all without picking him up and holding him.

It took willpower I didn't know I had. I cleaned the bathroom four times. I reorganized the linen closet. I let the Princess fingerpaint. Anything to distract myself from what I was doing- or at least, what I felt like I was doing, which was breaking my young son's heart.

In the end, he slept. It took about 40 minutes of crying at the morning naptime before he fell asleep. For the afternoon nap, after an hour and twenty minutes of crying (and most of it the coughing, jagged-breathing, hiccupping type of crying), I caved. He had pooped, so I picked him up to change him and his little fists grabbed onto me just like when he was a newborn (six whole months ago! Such a long time!) and I could feel his little body just muckle right onto me with all his might. How could I put him down again? My boy was sad, scared, and he wanted, needed his Mommy. How could I say no? Call me a sucker, a softee, ,but he'll only be little for a little while longer... there's got to be a way to make naptime go smoothly while preserving my sanity.

As soon as I figure out what it is, I'll let you know.

Mommy the Sleep Nazi

So,the boys are six months old now, and last week after a series of events (one of which was me dissolving into tears because I couldn't open a jar of pickles... can you say 'sleep deprivation?'), I decided that feeding-on-demand was just not working for us any more. The boys were up at night eating- I kid you not- five to seven times every night. Even the pediatrician was floored. And, of course, they hardly ever awoke at the same time. So I spent a few days and used every waking moment I had available (and I have to tell you, I don't have a whole lot of them) to research babies and sleep, sleep training and schedules.

With the Princess, she created her own schedule of sorts pretty early on- I know we certainly didn't put her on one, but she awoke, ate, played, and napped at the same times each day. I never realized how wonderfully lucky we were until now. And truth be told, I think each boy would do the same, but the times they "want" to do things do not coincide- and to keep Mommy out of the big building with the padded rooms and the nice men in the white coats, it looks like they need some help coordinating their schedules.

So I read, I researched, I took notes, I planned. I tried to talk it over with Monk but at the first mention of the phrase "sleep training" and "schedules" his eyes glazed over and he started to steal glances at the tv while I was talking... so I worked on developing a plan and Wednesday night was the first night of putting that plan into action. A lot of it I took from a, uh, "borrowed" copy of the Sleep Sense Workbook (Dana Obleman's program- pretty awesome, I'm still looking for a copy of that ebook to thumb through). The idea is to teach the boys how to fall asleep without needing any help- like the bottle they've been jonesing for in the middle of the night (my fault). So a few nights ago the boys went to bed after a "bedtime routine" (something else I've never been big on- I don't know what it is, but give me a rule, even one I institute myself and something inside me yearns to break it), and since they are both a very healthy weight, they don't "need" to eat overnight. So I decided no more nighttime bottles. And what's more, I carried it a step further and created a schedule for them for the daytime where they only get three 8 ounce bottles a day. And I know it's early, they've only been on this new schedule for less than a week, but...

They are doing AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!

I really thought they were going to protest a lot more and insist on having a bottle to be soothed back to sleep, but apparently I have totally underestimated the power of my singing the ABCs. From the time I put them down at around 7pm til about 3am the first night, all I had to do to help one twin go back to sleep was hug him, pat his back, and croon the ABC song. I think it's fair to say I was totally shocked at how much easier it was than I thought it was going to be. True, I had to totally throw out my idea of not picking up the twins (I figure we get away from the bottle first... baby steps, so to speak).

On the other hand, I don't know what happened after 3am. Maybe I just hit a wall myself, too tired to comply with my own rules, or maybe it's because both boys woke up at the same time and I was just too flustered (and sleepy) to think straight. But at that 3am wake up is when I caved and both boys got a bottle of watered-down Pedialyte, and I brought someone to the couch to snuggle with me. By that time the Monk was also up, and he took a baby until he left for work. But I still am considering it a MAJOR success, especially since the rest of the day went so well also.

They have really taken to the whole schedule thing (apparently they haven't gotten their Mommy's rule-breaking impetus). They seem very content, despite the fact that they are eating, not kidding, more than ten less bottles per day than they used to. We're still finding our way, and I suspect we will be for awhile still, but knowing that there's a light at the end of the tunnel has done wonders to improve my outlook on things... six solid months of sleep deprivation is a looooong time (Abu Grahib's got nothing on moms of multiples, let me tell you). Hopefully the overnights start going smoother, and they start staying asleep for longer stretches and being able to soothe themselves back to sleep in the middle of the night.

As I write this, the boys are napping!!! Praise GOD! :)

Hard to believe we went from the first photo to the second in the short space of one week!!!

Parenting Without Facebook

This year, for Lent, I've decided to give up Facebook. As the mom of a three year old and six month old twins, I had pretty slim pickin's in the "what to give up" department. Food? No, need that. Water? No, need that. Clothes? Pretty sure other people prefer I keep those on (my hubby may actually be in favor of a naked forty days). So it came down to Facebook or the Today Show- two things that I try to fit in my crazy days between diapers, bottles, tears, strained peas, and clothing and stripping Barbie countless times.

Since I decided to go without my social network, I haven't really thought about it too much. I made the decision about a month ago, but tonight, hours away from Ash Wednesday, I'm starting to wonder... what am I doing? How will I get by the next month without being able to ask all my "friends" which soy formula they think is best, which sleep strategy works for training your kids to fall asleep on their own? How will I tell my brother I need an oil change? I'll have to actually (gasp!) pick up the phone and give him a call? Who DOES that sort of thing any more? I mean, yes, I call my parents, sure, but that's because my mom tried Facebook once for a few months before reverting back to the Stone Age (to be fair she does have email... not that she emails me). What have I done?

Then I think... the reason why... Jesus. He did so much for us... (what an understatement!)... for me to do this one little thing for Him... even though it seems huge in my life, is really insignificant.

So, the next month and a half will come and go, and I'll have to make my decisions without input from the Facebook community, and I won't know what's happening with everyone out there, either, which is weird, I have to admit. But every day, when I think of logging in (and I know I will, it's a habit), I'll think of my blessed Lord and Savior and what He did for me, who definitely did not deserve it... and I will be thankful. And that, to me, is just a part of what Lent is all about.